If you're reading this, it's likely because you're curious about exploring different facets of human desires and preferences. You might find yourself drawn to unique objects or specific parts of the body, and you're uncertain if your inclinations are commonplace or considered normal. Perhaps you've already identified your fetish, but you're struggling with the idea of disclosing it to your partner and opening up a dialogue about your desires.
Feel free to experience fetishism in your own way.
Whatever your case may be, it's important to stay calm and remember that you shouldn't feel any different or ashamed about engaging in less well-known practices or having unique preferences. Rest assured that there are more people out there who share your tastes than you might think. Don't be afraid to explore and embrace your own way of experiencing fetishism, as long as it brings you satisfaction and is consensual. Your own personal journey will always be the best path for you.
The wonderful world of fetishism
Let's start at the beginning, what is and what is not fetishism?
Fetishism refers to a sexual attraction or interest in objects or specific body parts that are not typically considered primary erogenous zones. It involves finding sexual arousal or pleasure from these objects or body parts. In heteronormative sexuality, the commonly accepted fetishes may revolve around the genitals, breasts, or other conventional erogenous zones. However, it's important to note that sexual enjoyment encompasses the entire body and is not limited to specific areas.
To differentiate between fetishism and a fetish, we can say that fetishism is the broader concept that encompasses the attraction to sexual objects or body parts, while a fetish refers to the specific object or body part that elicits excitement or arousal.
It's essential to understand that preferring certain body parts or showing a special interest in them does not automatically make someone a fetishist. Fetishism involves a distinct sexual and arousal component. For example, if you find hands with long fingers intriguing or aesthetically pleasing, it doesn't make you a hand fetishist unless it specifically arouses you sexually. It's possible to have various preferences without a sexual inclination towards those objects or body parts.
There are no rules in sex, remember: nothing is written.
If you think about it, fetishes add pleasure to our sexual activity, and they are not incompatible with liking more conventional sex. The limits are set by each person's imagination: feet, lingerie, tattoos, high heels...
Fetishes can add pleasure and excitement to our sexual experiences, and they are not mutually exclusive with liking more conventional forms of sex. The boundaries and possibilities are defined by individual imagination and preferences. Some common examples of fetishes include feet, lingerie, tattoos, high heels, and many others. These objects or elements can stimulate arousal and enhance sexual pleasure for individuals who have a particular attraction or interest in them.
Mythes and truths about fetishes
Over time, societal attitudes towards sex have evolved. In the past, sex was often viewed as acceptable only for reproductive purposes, and any pursuit of pleasure through sexual activities was often stigmatized and negatively judged.
Furthermore, unconventional tastes or preferences that deviate from societal norms have historically been treated as abnormal or even pathologies. This has led to the continued association of fetishism with deviance and mental disorders, despite advancements in understanding human sexuality.
Fetishism is not a problem, enjoy it naturally.
Is fetishism a sexual deviation?
Absolutely not. Fetishism is often misunderstood and misrepresented as a sexual deviation or pathology. However, it is important to challenge these misconceptions and recognize that fetishism, in and of itself, is not a sexual deviation. The definition provided by the RAE (Royal Spanish Academy) may be limited in its understanding of fetishism.
The key aspect to consider is that if your personal preferences and interests, including fetishes, do not cause harm or discomfort to others or yourself, there is no inherent problem. It is essential to embrace and live your fetish in a way that feels natural and fulfilling for you.
Are people who have fetishes weird?
No, having fetishes does not make someone weird. Individuals with fetishes experience sexual attraction towards specific objects or body parts that may fall outside of societal norms or expectations. While their preferences may be different from what is commonly accepted, it is important to remember that being different does not equate to being strange or abnormal, especially when it comes to sexuality.
Sexuality is a vast and diverse spectrum, and there is a wide range of possibilities for experiencing pleasure. What may arouse or fulfill one person may be different from another, and that's perfectly okay. If these preferences are consensual, respectful, and do not cause harm or discomfort to oneself or others, there is no problem with embracing and living one's fetish naturally.
Do fetishists carry out practices considered alternative or strange?
Fetishism, in and of itself, is a sexual practice that is generally harmless. While it may deviate from more common sexual practices, it should not be labeled as unusual in a negative sense. Sometimes, the practice of fetishism can be connected to other alternative sexual practices, with BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Submission, and Masochism) being one of the most frequently associated with it.
It's essential to remember that judgmental terms like "weird," "good," or "bad" have no place in discussions of sexuality. What truly matters is adhering to the golden rule of sexuality, where a sexual practice is considered acceptable if it does not cause physical or emotional harm to any involved parties. Furthermore, all participants in the practice must fully consent and have the capacity to provide that consent. Consent and the well-being of all parties involved should always be the top priority in any sexual exploration.
Frequently asked questions about fetishism
If you suspect that you may have a fetish towards a particular object or body part, it's natural to have questions and uncertainties about the subject. We're here to assist you in addressing any doubts you may have.
According to a study carried out by Arola Poch, a specialist in fetishism, 50% consider themselves fetishists from birth, while 28.5% attribute it to a specific event from their childhood/youth.
Is the fetishist born or made?
The origin of fetishism, whether someone is born with it, or it develops over time, is a complex and often debated topic.
If we were to inquire among individuals who identify as fetishists, roughly half of them might say that they've had their fetish for as long as they can remember. However, about one in three might attribute the development of their fetish to a very specific event or experience they had during childhood or youth.
Some individuals may indeed feel a special attraction to a particular object or body part from an early age, while others might notice this preference emerging during their sexual awakening. Both scenarios are entirely normal, and neither is considered more valid or acceptable than the other. The development of fetishes can vary widely from person to person, and it's a deeply individual experience. What's most important is that individuals understand and embrace their own desires, as long as those desires are explored consensually and do not harm themselves or others.
Fetishism in a couple, is it advisable?
Based on the findings of Arola Poch's study, nearly one-third of fetishists admit that they haven't yet shared their preferences with their partners. Some may refrain from doing so because they fear being misunderstood, while others are still in the process of accepting their own fetish. However, there are instances where, after communicating their desires, couples have started practicing the fetish together.
The recommendation here is that if you're certain about wanting to share your fetish with your partner and are comfortable with your own feelings regarding it, you should take that step. The key is to first accept your own desires and then be willing to share them with your partner. Open and honest communication within a relationship can led to a deeper understanding and potentially a more fulfilling intimate connection, provided that both parties are comfortable and consenting.
Are fetishists a minority?
Likely, a significant portion of the population may have some form of fetish or preference for objects or body parts, to varying degrees. It's important to recognize that human sexuality is diverse, and many people are drawn to various aspects of it, such as lingerie, specific clothing, tattoos, or other objects. Therefore, it's safe to say that fetishists are not a minority in the broader context of human sexual preferences.
However, it's worth noting that the level of visibility and acceptance of fetishes can vary greatly from one culture or community to another. Some people may find it challenging to openly discuss their fetishes due to social stigma or a lack of understanding.
Does a fetishist get off on conventional sex?
Fetishism is a sexual interest or arousal that is typically centered around a specific object, body part, or activity. It's important to understand that people with fetishes can still engage in and enjoy conventional sex, and their fetish doesn't necessarily exclude them from participating in other sexual activities.
The statistic you mentioned about 9% of fetishists being excited solely by their fetish and 91% using it as a complement in their sexual relationships may vary among individuals. Some people may primarily rely on their fetish for sexual arousal, while others may incorporate it into their sexual activities as an additional source of pleasure
Does preferring a body part or object make me a fetishist?
Having a preference for a specific body part or object does not automatically make you a fetishist. It is common to be interested in certain physical attributes such as eye color, hairstyle, or the shape of knees. However, preferring these attributes alone does not indicate fetishism. Just as we may have preferences for colors or songs without feeling a sexual connection to them, preferring a body part or object does not necessarily make it a fetish.
Fetishism typically involves a distinct sexual attraction and excitement attached to a specific object or body part. The key difference lies in the sexual arousal and the special excitement experienced when contemplating or interacting with the fetish. If you find that the object or body part in question genuinely arouses you and elicits a heightened sexual response, it is possible that it aligns with one of your fetishes
Types of fetishes
Individual fetishes can vary widely, and being a fetishist doesn't imply an attraction to all fetishes. Your personal fetish might revolve around a particular object, while someone else's attraction could center on a specific body area or distinctive characteristic.
There are both types of fetishes and people.
Indeed, today we can find as many fetishes as there are people, the list is endless! But if we established a classification, we could group them as follows:
- Parts of the body: generally, not directly linked to the erotic, such as the feet, hands, navel, ears...
- Body characteristics: a person with tattoos, a certain color, piercings and dilations... a specific aesthetic.
- Clothing and clothing accessories: feeling excited about lingerie, latex clothing, leather...
- Objects and practices: high-heeled shoes, a mirror, a mask, the use of handcuffs...
The 6 most common fetishes
According to a survey conducted by Arola Poch in 2017, the most common fetishes among fetishists, ranked in order of relevance, are as follows:
- Feet: 75%
- High-heeled shoes or boots: 30.4%
- Lingerie: 21%
- Underwear: 18.2%
- Tattoos: 9.5%
- Leather: 8.2%
Feet, heels and lingerie are in the TOP of common fetishes.
1. Foot fetish
The foot fetish is considered one of the quintessential fetishes, focusing on everything related to feet. Within this fetish, we can observe various practices with different levels of intensity. Some individuals experience excitement merely by observing feet, whether it's the entire foot or through sandals, particularly during the summer. Other fetishists may seek further involvement and desire physical contact with the feet, such as massaging them or even engaging in foot worship by placing them in their mouth for heightened pleasure. Feet can also play a significant role in 10 erotic massage, serving as a starting point for sensual experiences.
Accessories are also highly appreciated in this type of fetishes, the most common being finger rings, ankle bracelets or painted and decorated nails.
2. High-heel shoe or boot fetish
The second most shared fetish is that of high-heeled shoes or high boots. Within this fetish, there are recurring thoughts and fantasies such as the image of a lover dressed solely in shoes or engaging in sexual activities while wearing only shoes. These thoughts and desires are often experienced by individuals who enjoy this fetish.
It's worth noting that the interest in footwear can also stem from a foot fetish. In some cases, the stimulation and excitement come from seeing feet that arouse us through shoes. The sensation of the shoes, along with the scent of the feet that have been in them, can contribute to the overall experience and add to the enjoyment for those with this fetish.
3. Lingerie fetish
As Christian Dior once stated, "True elegance is found in the areas hidden from view." This sentiment resonates with those who consider themselves fetishists of lingerie, stockings, corsets, and similar garments. These items of clothing elicit excitement and desire, as they possess the power to captivate and stimulate the senses.
Fetishists of this type of clothing are drawn to the various types of fabric and the sensations they transmit. The touch, texture, and visual appeal of lingerie can evoke a heightened level of arousal and pleasure. The act of wearing or witnessing someone wearing Erotic lingerie can be deeply enticing and contribute to a sense of seduction and allure.
4. Used underwear fetish
In the realm of fetishism, there is a distinction made between underwear and lingerie. In this fetish, the focus lies on the arousal derived from underwear that has already been worn. The act of knowing or having evidence that the undergarment has been used carries a significant level of excitement. It may not even be necessary to visually see the underwear worn by the individual; the knowledge or confirmation of its prior use can be enough to elicit arousal and desire.
With the advent of the Internet and the rise of online sales without intermediaries, access to this type of clothing has become more accessible. The ease of purchasing and obtaining used underwear or other intimate garments has increased due to the convenience and anonymity provided by online platforms.
5. Tattoo fetish
Tattoo fetishists are individuals who are attracted to those who have tattoos and enjoy the display of tattoos on the body. The wide range of possible tattoo placements offers a variety of areas that can serve as points of attraction for these fetishists.
Beyond the aesthetic appeal, some individuals may find attraction in knowing that the other person has endured pain or discomfort while getting a tattoo. In these cases, there may be a sense of empathy or connection with the other person's experience of pain. This empathy towards the perceived suffering can add an additional layer of fascination and attraction for those with this specific fetish.
6. Leather fetish
The use of leather items during sexual relations is one of the most widespread fetishes. In addition to that, leather has become a universal symbol that relates to BDSM practices. Masks, whips, tie-down straps... everything is allowed.
How to know what is a fetish and what is not
You might be wondering whether your strong focus on a particular body part or a specific type of food qualifies as a fetish or not. It's important to note that many preferences can exist without being fetishes. It ultimately depends on whether it elicits a sexual response in you and whether it's a one-time occurrence or a consistent pattern.
Fetishism is a normal and natural behavior, an expression of sexual diversity.
We all have non-erotic preferences for objects we like to keep close, such as our cell phone, or body parts we genuinely appreciate, like our eyes. The key distinction is that if neither the cell phone nor the eyes evoke a sexual response in you, they are not erotic fetishes.
However, if seeing certain objects, such as lingerie, triggers an erotic response in you, like excitement, then you are entering the realm of erotic fetishes. Within the erotic category, these preferences can vary from fantasies to exclusivity. For instance, if seeing lingerie turns you on to some extent, you would fall into the "minimum" level. If you consistently prefer that underwear is involved in your intimate relationships, you would be classified as "preferred." And if you can't get aroused or have an erection in the case of people with penises unless there is underwear, you would be at the "exclusive" level.
If a sexual behavior is in the exclusive area and makes sexual relations difficult, it can become a problem and we should ask for help. But if this behavior does not harm us, our partner or third parties, either physically or emotionally, it is fine. If the fetish doesn't negatively affect your relationships, it's not a problem.
We suggest you do an exercise, so prepare a pen and paper. Do you remember the previous scheme? Focus on the boxes in the Erotic Area: fantasies, minimal, preferred, predominant and exclusive.
- In FANTASY you must write the things that excite you when you fantasize, but that you would not do in your real life. If you want to continue learning about fantasies, we recommend you review our articles on female fantasies.
- In MINIMAL, you can document your preferences in your intimate relationships. For instance, you might enjoy watching your partner undress or savoring the fragrance of erotic incense. These preferences aren't necessities, and you don't have to incorporate them into every encounter, but they add to your enjoyment.
- In PREFERENT, you can specify the elements you prefer to have in your relationships, including specific practices. For instance, if you believe that oral sex should be a regular component, that reflects your preference. This section allows you to express what you favor in your intimate experiences.
- In PREDOMINANT and EXCLUSIVE, you'll catalog the elements that are non-negotiable in your sexual encounters. The distinction between the two is that in PREDOMINANT, you'll list the practices that are essential for you to consider an experience satisfying. In EXCLUSIVE, you'll note the practices that are indispensable for you to achieve climax or satisfaction in any way.
- To enhance this section, you can add a category called "RED LINES," where you document the things that, at that particular moment in your life, you are absolutely unwilling to attempt under any circumstances. Clearly defining your sexual boundaries is crucial to ensure that you only engage in activities that you genuinely feel comfortable with.
You can engage in a fun activity with your partner by creating their "expressionogram" and having them create yours. This playful exercise allows you to assess how well you understand each other's sexual preferences and provides an opportunity to learn and grow through the responses.
Tips to enjoy fetishes without fear
Throughout this article, we've provided guidance on the various possibilities that fetishes offer. If you suspect you might be a fetishist but aren't entirely sure, there's no need to worry. We'll now offer some guidelines to help you fully enjoy this aspect of your sexuality without fear.
Explore your sexuality and your fetishes from pleasure.
1. First of all, tranquility
Don't feel bad about what you are feeling. Being attracted to certain objects or some part of the body (which is not common in sexual relations) is perfectly normal.
2. Search for information
Whether you have doubts or simply want to delve deeper into your fetish, seek out valuable information from reliable sources. Numerous forums, blogs, and articles are dedicated to various specific fetishes, offering diverse perspectives and insights on your particular interest. These resources can be a valuable way to expand your knowledge and gain a better understanding of your fetish.
3. Surrond yourself with the right environment
Just as with information, surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals who share your fetishes and concerns can greatly assist in gaining a deeper understanding of your feelings. Furthermore, there are local and national groups that arrange gatherings, workshops, and events for those who have similar fetishes. By immersing yourself in this supportive environment, you can find understanding and non-judgmental companions who share your experiences.
4. Communicate it properly
Our suggestion is to consider sharing your fetish if you feel confident and comfortable doing so. However, it's crucial to first fully accept and understand your own feelings regarding your fetish before discussing it with others. Effective communication is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, and talking about your desires and interests can pave the way for exploring new possibilities and engaging in experiments with your partner.
5. Don't judge yourself
Fetishism is a sexual preference just like any other. It's essential not to judge or be too hard on yourself. Having a sexual fetish is not something negative or a source of shame. Rest assured, there are many individuals who share similar emotions regarding specific body parts or unconventional objects.
Erotic practices that fall outside societal norms, including fetishism, have often been plagued by unfounded stigmas and misleading stereotypes. These misconceptions can arise from fear or misinformation and result in a distorted understanding of what having a fetish truly entails.
Try to understand what is happening to you and, once you achieve it, make your fetish work.
Fetishism isn't a deviation from normal behavior; rather, it's a perfectly healthy practice that can enhance conventional sexual relationships. Use it to your advantage and introduce that extra excitement into your connections.
Our cultural background, upbringing, and past experiences can shape our mental map and ignite the sparks of attraction. Make your fetish a positive aspect of your sexual life. Once you've reached this point, the most enjoyable part lies ahead: embracing the experience without fear.