Getting Started Guide to BDSM

If you're here, you're likely curious about BDSM. Perhaps you're eager to explore this world but unsure where to begin. Maybe you have questions or concerns holding you back...

First and foremost, it's crucial to understand that BDSM isn't strictly black and white. It encompasses various intensities, and you always have the final say in how deep you want to delve. Being aware of your boundaries and approaching BDSM as a source of pleasure is key.

Ready to embark on your BDSM journey? Great! This guide serves as your starting point.

To start, what is and what is not BDSM?

When we mention BDSM, it's important to note that it encompasses more than just a single sexual practice. Within these four letters lie various disciplines. Practicing BDSM doesn't imply that all these variants are part of every sexual experience. Each individual can decide how much of each discipline they wish to explore or whether they prefer to focus on just one.

To truly understand what BDSM entails, it's essential to uncover the meaning behind each of these letters.

The acronym BDSM corresponds to Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism and Masochism.

Bondage

The term "bondage" originates from the French word for slavery or captivity. It's an erotic practice that involves restraining a person's body, typically using items like ropes, harnesses, handcuffs, and more. 

Discipline

In BDSM, "discipline" refers to the set of rules and habits that provide a framework for the actions of a submissive during their training. Discipline may include punishments aimed at correcting deviations in behavior.

Domination

In the BDSM context, "domination" involves taking control and command in the relationship with the submissive party. This role finds stimulation in exerting one's will over the other person, who willingly submits. Domination is intricately linked with submission, as every Dom (Dominant) needs a submissive, and vice versa.

Submission

In BDSM, "submission" refers to the role of the Dominant's partner who voluntarily exercises submission during a pleasure session. The submissive position, represented by the "S" in DS, entails abiding by the desires and will of the Dominant and willingly submitting to their control over the submissive's body.

Sadism

The term "Sadism" derives from the novelist Donatien Alphonse François de Sade, more commonly known as the Marquis de Sade. He spent a significant portion of his life in prison due to various sexual scandals. Sadism involves experiencing sexual pleasure and satisfaction by deliberately causing physical or psychological suffering to another person.

Masochism

This sexual behavior involves deriving excitement from physical or psychological pain, humiliation, domination, and submission.

Myths and truths about the practice of BDSM

With the increasing popularity of erotic novels addressing BDSM, these practices have gained more social recognition and piqued the curiosity of a broader audience. Yet, despite this surge in interest, there are still misconceptions and reservations surrounding these practices and those who engage in them.

Erotic novels about BDSM have awakened curiosity about these practices in many people.

There has been a misconception that BDSM involves excessive pain and sadism, to the extent of distorting its practice, portraying this discipline as a sexual deviation bordering on physical abuse. However, this is far from the truth. BDSM is built on the foundation of mutual consent from all involved parties, guided by established agreements and safe words to halt sessions if needed. Boundaries are defined well in advance, even before a session commences.

If you do not have a basis of information about what BDSM is, it may be common to share the following erroneous beliefs:

• Is it a practice for perverse people? -> NO

While some definitions may mention sexual perversion, humiliation, and pain, these descriptions do not accurately reflect what occurs in BDSM. People who practice BDSM are not suffering from any type of trauma, let alone a mental illness.

If you lack a foundational understanding of what BDSM entails, it's common to hold these misconceptions.

• Is it an abusive practice? -> NO

Everything that occurs during a BDSM session is pre-negotiated to prevent uncomfortable situations. A safety word or code is established, typically a single word, ensuring that no one is pushed beyond their boundaries.

Each person's tolerance for pain varies, as do their preferences for different BDSM practices. Being submissive doesn't automatically mean being masochistic. Enjoying the sensation of relinquishing control and following commands is distinct from finding pleasure in pain.

• Is it a practice that is extrapolated to all facets of life? -> NO

BDSM disciplines are typically practiced within a specific timeframe known as a session. Domination and submission are not extended to other aspects of life unless explicitly pre-arranged as part of the role-play or dynamic.

Do we all have a dominant/submissive inside us…?

What are the essentials for starting in BDSM?

The practice of BDSM, in addition to a lot of responsibility, requires high doses of other qualities. Do you want to know what else you need?

There is a plethora of accessories available to assist you in entering the world of BDSM.

1. Imagination

Keep in mind that in BDSM, you will be assuming and embodying your role throughout the entire session. It is even possible, particularly in lighter or introductory BDSM practices, for roles to be exchanged within the same experience. To successfully transform and sustain your role during the session, a generous amount of imagination and creativity is essential. 

2. Open-mindedness

As you venture into the world of BDSM, it's important to approach it with an open mind. Embrace a willingness to explore and experiment with new experiences. Remember that the purpose is to have a pleasurable and enjoyable time, so keep an open mind and be receptive to new sensations and possibilities. 

3. Trust

Trust is a crucial element in BDSM. Building and maintaining trust between partners is essential for a successful and fulfilling experience. When there is trust, you can fully let go and immerse yourself in the game, allowing for a more pleasurable and satisfying encounter focused solely on pleasure.  

4. Willingness

Embrace your desire! BDSM is not just about actions; it's also about attitude. Having a genuine desire to explore and engage in the game adds excitement and enhances the overall experience. Being open and enthusiastic about trying new things and fully immersing yourself in the experience contributes to making it more enjoyable and fulfilling. 

5. Get well equipped!

If you're considering getting started in BDSM, there is a wide array of accessories and toys available to help you fully embrace your role across various BDSM disciplines. 

• Grips and restraints: For bondage enthusiasts, having the right grips and restraints is essential. You'll need a variety of items to keep your partner securely tied during the session. Everyday objects that can be easily found at home can also be used, such as a tie, rope, or a piece of fabric that feels pleasurable to the touch. However, it's important to exercise caution and ensure that the objects used are not too tight and can be easily removed when necessary. Safety and comfort should always be prioritized during bondage play.
• Fetish products: Fetish products like masks, leather, vinyl, and suction devices can add excitement to BDSM play. Controlled sensations of pain can be pleasurable, using impact toys or specialized devices. Prioritize safety, clear boundaries, and consent for a safe and enjoyable experience.
• Floggers and Crops: Floggers, whips, and riding crops are exciting implements for punishment and impact play in BDSM. Prioritize safety, communication, and consent for a pleasurable experience.
• BDSM and Bondage Kits: BDSM and bondage kits can be excellent allies for those who are new to exploring BDSM and bondage in a lighter manner. These kits typically contain a selection of beginner-friendly items, such as restraints, blindfolds, paddles, and other accessories to enhance your experience. They provide a convenient and comprehensive way to delve into BDSM play, allowing you to explore different sensations and dynamics with ease.
• Other products: If you want to level up or experience other types of sensations, there are more advanced types of accessories such as sexual swings, electrostimulation machines or clothing specially designed for Bondage practice.

The best way to get started in BDSM is without a doubt bondage

Starting with bondage is indeed a popular and accessible entry point into BDSM. If you've reached this point and are interested in exploring BDSM, that's great! It's important to know that BDSM encompasses various levels and disciplines. Regardless of the discipline you choose, starting with something softer is a common approach. Remember, you have the power to set your own limits and boundaries.

Not everything may be to your liking initially, and that's okay. It's possible that the role you initially choose may not be the most suitable for you. Keep exploring and experimenting until you find what truly excites you. Remember, the ultimate goal of BDSM is to derive pleasure and satisfaction, so focus on discovering what brings you the most pleasure and fulfillment.

Bondage is the most common way to gradually start practicing BDSM.

But what exactly is bondage?

Bondage is an aesthetic-erotic practice within BDSM that involves restraining or immobilizing a person using various materials such as ropes, chains, tapes, fabrics, or handcuffs. It can be focused on specific body parts, like hands or feet, or involve full-body restraints. The aim of bondage is to create a sense of vulnerability, control, and heightened sensory experience for the restrained individual. Different techniques and materials can be used to achieve a wide range of sensations and visual aesthetics.

Bondage is the most widespread discipline of BDSM, and the one most often practiced independently of the others.

In bondage, domination and control play a significant role in sexual activities. The submissive partner willingly surrenders to the dominant partner, who takes on the role of deciding how and when the actions unfold. As a submissive, you relinquish your ability to move freely, placing yourself at the mercy of the dominant's desires. This surrender and lack of control can be highly stimulating, combining the thrill of surprise with the uncertainty of what will happen next. It creates a unique mix of emotions that further strengthens the trust between partners.

Within bondage, additional elements can be incorporated to enhance the experience. Gags or other sensory-deprivation tools, such as blindfolds, may be used. When you cannot see what is happening around you, the element of surprise intensifies, multiplying both the sensations and pleasure. These elements contribute to an immersive and heightened experience within the BDSM dynamic, emphasizing the power dynamics and sensations involved. As always, it is crucial to prioritize open communication, consent, and safety to ensure a fulfilling and consensual experience for all involved.

Tips to get started in bondage

As we have already told you, the best way to get started in BDSM is through Bondage, but before getting started it is important that you keep some tips in mind if it is something new for you.

Enjoy the practice of Bondage safely.

• Practice it with someone you trust.  

You can really do it with whoever you want, but think that it will be safer if you practice it with someone you trust so that you feel comfortable in that type of situation and can enjoy the experience.

• Choose what your role will be.  

You can be the person tied or the person who is going to tie. Agree with your partner before starting what your role will be.

• Agree beforehand what you want to do.  

Communication is vital in this type of practice. Agree beforehand how far you are willing to go, what you want to do and what you don't.

• Start with simple knots.  

If this is your first time, it may be overwhelming if you haven't tried it. Start with looser, simpler knots, so you know you can free yourself if you need to at any time. A good start is knots on hands or feet.

• Try new positions.  

Start by trying simpler positions to enjoy Bondage.  

As you advance in the practice of Bondage, you can incorporate positions that are increasingly more complex to do.

• Bondage yes, but always safely.   

Any BDSM practice must be done in a completely safe, sensible and consensual (SSC) manner. Remember that you always set the limit.

Define the rules and enjoy BDSM

Defining rules and boundaries is essential in BDSM to ensure a safe and consensual experience for all involved. Within BDSM, the mental aspect is crucial, as the roles of dominance and submission play a significant role in the dynamics of the game.

It's important to understand that BDSM is a discipline that seeks pleasure for both the submissive and dominant partners. The use of pain within BDSM serves a purpose of pleasure and arousal. What may not be enjoyable or pleasurable on its own for a submissive can become exciting and pleasurable in the context of serving and pleasing their dominant partner. Similarly, for the dominant partner, the act of providing pleasure and fulfilling the desires of the submissive can be deeply satisfying.

Consent, communication, and mutual enjoyment are key in BDSM. Establishing clear rules, boundaries, and expectations helps create a framework within which both partners can explore their desires and fulfill their roles.

To practice BDSM it is necessary that each person knows their limits and defines rules to guarantee safe and pleasant relationships.

• Safe, sensible and consensual

Everything you do must be done in a safe, sensible and consensual (SSC) way. Any practice or action during the experience must be accepted by both parties.

• Safe word

Before starting any session, a safe word is established that both parties will know and that when pronounced means that the person does not wish to continue with the practice that is being carried out.

• What you want to do and what you don't

It's important to have a clear understanding of your desires and boundaries when engaging in BDSM. Even if you're new to it, you likely have an idea of what interests you and what you're not comfortable with. Communicate your preferences and limits to your partner and try to understand their desires as well.

Remember, you have the right to set your own limits and boundaries. Never engage in activities that you dislike or that cause you extreme pain. Consent and personal comfort should always be prioritized in BDSM play.

Tips to get started in BDSM

Being curious about a new practice is great, but it is important to be well informed and follow some simple tips before starting something unknown to you.

If you have already decided, our tips will come in handy to get you started safely in BDSM.

• Get informed and learn

To get started in BDSM, we recommend that you inform yourself very well before taking the step. Look for true stories, anecdotes, stories... Surely you can learn a lot from other people who have already gone through that experience.

• Communication is vital

Discuss your intentions and boundaries with your partner, especially if you're still getting to know each other. In a game of domination, everything should be mutually agreed upon. Clearly establish your limits and ensure both partners understand and respect the use of a safe word, if necessary.

• Equipment is key

Depending on the discipline you want to tackle, you will need a series of accessories to help you get into the role and be able to follow the role you have chosen.

• Start little by little

It's important for the submissive to acclimate to pain, while the dominant partner becomes familiar with their reactions and comfort levels. Gradually increase intensity, allowing time to explore further. When it comes to spanking, find a middle ground—not too strong, not too weak. When tying, avoid complex knots that are difficult to untie and be cautious of tying strong knots that may restrict circulation.

• Always have an emergency solution

Having an emergency solution readily available is important in BDSM play. While it's not desired, sometimes things can go wrong, and being prepared can make a difference. Consider having tools such as scissors to quickly release knots that may become too tight or a small first aid kit with items like alcohol, bandages, and arnica to address any marks or bruises from intense sessions. These precautions can help ensure safety and provide care when needed.

Remember, all BDSM practices should adhere to the principles of SSC: Sensible, Safe, and Consensual. Prioritize sensibility by using common sense and making informed decisions.

BDSM is a way of obtaining pleasure as valid as any other, so remember, you set the limits yourself!

Absolutely! BDSM can indeed be a highly pleasurable practice, but it's important to maintain a strong mental balance throughout the experience. If you're curious about exploring BDSM, it's crucial to open your mind, engage in open and honest communication with your partner, and embark on a journey of learning and experimentation together.

Finding a discipline within BDSM that aligns with your comfort level and personal limits is key. Take the time to explore different activities, roles, and dynamics until you find what works best for you and your partner. Remember, the goal of BDSM is to obtain pleasure and fulfillment.

It's vital to adhere to the principles of SSC (Sensible, Safe, and Consensual) in all BDSM practices. Sensible refers to using common sense and making informed decisions. Safety involves prioritizing the physical and emotional well-being of all participants. Consensual means that all activities are explicitly agreed upon by all involved parties.